Step right up, B-movie aficionados, and prepare for a deep dive into the wonderfully weird world of TEENAGE EXORCIST! This 1991 straight-to-video flick was born from a story by the legendary schlockmeister Fred Olen Ray. It was directed by Grant Austin Waldman. The film stars the queen of scream herself, Brinke Stevens, who also penned the screenplay. It is a delightful blend of low-budget horror tropes and broad comedy. The movie manages to spoof the genre while gleefully indulging in its excesses.
The Plot: From Prim Professor to PVC Possessed!
The movie introduces us to Diane (Brinke Stevens), a supposedly “teenage” (though Stevens was 37 at the time, which is part of the fun!) college grad student with dreams of becoming a professor. She is a repressed, mousey, and utterly innocent sort of gal. According to the synopsis, the most evil thing she’s ever done is double-park.
Diane scores a massive, spooky mansion. She rents it for an unbelievably cheap price. The deal is made with a truly unsettling realtor. This character is played by horror icon Michael Berryman (from The Hills Have Eyes). You know the deal: if the rent is too good to be true, the house is probably haunted by the spirit of a demonic ancient owner. In this case, Baron DeSade (Hoke Howell) haunts the place. A full-blown demon (Oliver Darrow) is chilling in the basement.
Naturally, Diane is soon possessed by the house’s spirits. The transformation is immediate and spectacular. She swaps her librarian look for a raven-haired, leather-and-lingerie-clad succubus persona, complete with a chainsaw and a taste for virgin sacrifice!
The Crew and the Comedy Chaos
Diane’s sister, Sally, arrives with her brother-in-law Mike. Her would-be boyfriend Jeff comes along too. They find the situation, shall we say, changed. They have to save her from the demonic forces and a surprise appearance of zombies that have also been unleashed.
Enter the cavalry… kind of.
- Father McFerrin (Robert Quarry): A priest is summoned to perform an exorcism. In one of the film’s most quoted gags, the desperate priest attempts to call his superiors for help. He misdials and ends up placing an order at a local pizza parlor. The priest hilariously misinterprets everything the delivery person says as divine intervention.
- Eddie (Eddie Deezen): There was a clerical error. It brought the legendary, nasal-voiced geek-actor Eddie Deezen (Grease, 1941) into the fray. He is the unsuspecting pizza delivery boy. He’s the unlikely hero. He arrives with pepperoni and a side of goofy commentary. Eventually, he steps up (in full ‘Deezen mode’) to help the others fight the demon.
The film leans heavily into broad comedy, mocking everything from The Exorcist (1973) to general horror movie clichés. The jokes are often silly, sometimes goofy, but the overall spirit is one of affectionate spoofing.
Brinke Stevens: The Scream Queen’s Script
Brinke Stevens is the undeniable star. She masterfully swings between the “Girl Next Door guilelessness” of Diane and the seductive strumpet/whip-wielding dominatrix of her possessed alter-ego.
What’s particularly notable is that Stevens herself wrote the screenplay (from Olen Ray’s story). The role perfectly suits her “Scream Queen” status. It plays on her established screen image. It also gives her a fun comedic vehicle. The title is, of course, a bit of a misnomer. No actual teenager is performing an exorcism. This is a minor detail due to a last-minute script change. It cut the lone teenage character but paved the way for the memorable Eddie Deezen!
TEENAGE EXORCIST is a cult favorite. It was actually shelved for three years before its 1994 video release. It is essential viewing for fans of the late-night cable, low-budget horror-comedy scene of the early ’90s. It’s a messy, funny, and unforgettable romp. It proves that sometimes, the best way to deal with a demon is to order a large extra cheese.
If you would like to read more entries in my Basement Retrospective series, please click HERE! If you’d like to add this movie to your film collection, please click on the Blu-ray cover below.
